literature

Atonement

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Literature Text

Once there was a lonely kingdom, there! 
Two sisters, one of Spring, one of Winter.
Suddenly broken, from a curse unspoken,
Meant to be a gift, became a curse unbroken,
And now their bond has ended, from a simple mistake.
And now their childhood taken, from a simple mistake.

Now as slowly as a year or two went by,
Neither child of Winter, nor child of Spring,
Would get ever so close, all from a memory of a curse,
And the Winter lost her faith, but the Spring wished to differ,
But the bond was still broken, from a curse unspoken.
Two sisters still broken, from a curse unspoken.

And many more years will last,
With another tragedy to pass,
And another set of years to grieve the past,
The child of winter, now a woman,
Now a queen, but her fears came to pass,
Now a queen, and her curse came to pass.

And now beget an over-decade past,
Back to the roots where it all began,
A curse where no simple cure comes,
But alas, the cure was there,
An act of true love, to thaw a frozen heart.
An act of true love, to bring a set warmth.

But over surface, neither true love, nor act of it, could be found,
In desperation that existed, only looming death has bound
The child of Spring, now extinguished to the ground.
No more second chances, no more time to say goodbye,
Only grief, as regret was left behind,
Only grief, as life was left behind.

With a desperation of a cry,
The queen of Winter sought atonement,
For all the crimes against God, for all the crimes against man,
And the cry was heard, and the frost on her heart was burned,
Melted, to be replaced with love.
Melted, to be replaced with ever loving warmth.

And at last, the eternal curse of Winter came undone,
The queen of Winter, restored from an exile and won,
A battle, which tested her heart and won,
The two sisters, one of Winter, one of spring,
A bond now fixed, to last forevermore,
A bond now fixed, to be broken nevermore.
This whole poem is pretty much a summary of Disney's Frozen. It's more of my emotional feelings from watching it that I never found a way to release until now. It might be crappy because I haven't written poems in a while. I listened to really emotional soundtracks like Evey Reborn from V for Vendetta soundtrack and Interstellar's trailer music.

Please review.

Frozen © Disney
© 2014 - 2024 DeviousKid45
Comments1
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prettyflour's avatar
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

Hey there,

Prettyflour here on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/o/p…" alt=":iconpoeticalcondition:" title="PoeticalCondition" /> with the critique you requested.

I think this is a lovely take on Disney’s Frozen- you really captured the story well. It was very cool to take a movie I like turned into poetry. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/>
I like your use of punctuation in this- good choices there.

As far as constructive feedback goes…The repetition that you used on the last lines of every other stanza felt a little forced to me. I found myself wondering if using rhyme instead of repetition would have worked better? Just my opinion, of course. <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/>

I hope this is helpful and thank you so much for sharing your words! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/h/h…" width="15" height="13" alt=":heart:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="357" title="Heart"/>