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Literature Text
Once more,
I rose
from ashes
from bones
Once more,
I wept
as hollow screams
followed me from doors
Once more,
I ran
from guilt
as swift as wind
Once more,
I slept
as dreams come
and nightmares haunted
Once more,
I lied
saving those
lonely friends from hurt
Once more,
I failed
to save
a life I only cherished
Once more,
I tried
to reach them
to make amends of past deeds
But once more,
I failed
from time and time
and ceased to fail
And once more,
I wondered
how and why
am I still alive?
Once more,
I struggled
to understand
that simple question
Once more,
I turned
to the sky
and looked at the heavens
Once more,
I plead
and asked
for mercy from God
Once more,
I felt
the answer
and it whispered, "No"
Once more,
I saw
the roses
so red and pure
Once more,
I saw
the sun
shone it's light at it
And once forevermore,
I laid
in a coffin
of ashes and bones.
I rose
from ashes
from bones
Once more,
I wept
as hollow screams
followed me from doors
Once more,
I ran
from guilt
as swift as wind
Once more,
I slept
as dreams come
and nightmares haunted
Once more,
I lied
saving those
lonely friends from hurt
Once more,
I failed
to save
a life I only cherished
Once more,
I tried
to reach them
to make amends of past deeds
But once more,
I failed
from time and time
and ceased to fail
And once more,
I wondered
how and why
am I still alive?
Once more,
I struggled
to understand
that simple question
Once more,
I turned
to the sky
and looked at the heavens
Once more,
I plead
and asked
for mercy from God
Once more,
I felt
the answer
and it whispered, "No"
Once more,
I saw
the roses
so red and pure
Once more,
I saw
the sun
shone it's light at it
And once forevermore,
I laid
in a coffin
of ashes and bones.
Literature
I'll Miss You
I'll miss everything about you
I will not lie, I was hurt
yet here forever I am, for you to turn to
I had felt lower than dirt.
I'll miss your unique scent
there is still an open wound
here I am giving my own lament
but I do hope your life is profound.
I'll miss you saying "I'm not tired"
you carried my heart so far
you are what I always desired
I know you'll shine brighter than any star.
Yes, I'll miss everything about you
but the time for me is now
I will become something great too
it will not matter how.
I'll miss being the one you were seeing
but you will miss something of me
something of me that was never so freeing
it is this heart
Literature
YOU CAN NOT STOP ME.
You hit me.
You hate me.
You label me.
You judge me.
You reject me.
You blame me.
You laugh at me.
You criticise me.
You threaten me.
You try to guilt me.
You call me names.
You tell me I’m wrong.
You try to manipulate me.
You refuse to apologize to me.
You try to make me responsible.
But you can’t stop me from being me.
Literature
Rest
Your brain might tell you
You should be doing more!
But more can sometimes result in less
For quantity is no substitute for quality.
Remember, clearly, that rest is never a thing of laxity.
So long as you wake with a fresh sense of passion
For what you wish to achieve.
- Word of Chen
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Featured in Groups
Inspired from the soundtrack of Halo 3: ODST of the same name and the Henceforward AU of RWBY.
Mercy Plea © Martin O'Donnel and Michael Salvatori
RWBY © Rooster Teeth
Mercy Plea © Martin O'Donnel and Michael Salvatori
RWBY © Rooster Teeth
© 2014 - 2024 DeviousKid45
Comments12
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Hello, there- this is a critique from <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/w/r/w…" alt="" title="Writers--club" />
I'm not very familiar with the Halo universe (I only got through an hour of ODST before accepting my complete uselessness with those kinds of games), so I'll be critiquing this on its own. That shouldn't be a problem, though, because this piece works well as a stand-alone poem.
The greatest strength of the poem is how one form of repetition reinforces another. The repeated use of “once more” serves both as a kind of chorus for the poem, giving it a more solid kind of beat than many other free verse pieces, and as a foreshadowing of the ending, where the dark cycle that has caught the main character is revealed. It adds to the sense of hopelessness and inevitability that grows throughout the piece. It's a simple but effective device.
I also like your use of punctuation. In many (or most) of the poems that I critique, incorrect or inconsistent use of punctuation is a major issue, but you pick a punctuation style and stick with it for the entire piece, using punctuation only when necessary.
There are a couple of issues with grammar in this piece. For example, in the second-last stanza, “it's” should be “its” (a possessive instead of a contraction). In stanza seven, you use the phrase “make amends of”, where “make amends for” would be more appropriate. In stanza four, “dreams come” should be “dreams came”, as the rest of the stanza is written in the past tense.
In summary, this is a well-constructed poem that is effective in conveying the emotions of the main character. It can be enjoyed on its own, without the reader knowing anything about Halo. Good job!